Cocky Lil' Roosters (Hen TF TG)

I relaxed on the couch as I flipped through the channels using my TV remote. It was Victoria Day weekend, I had three days off and it was a Saturday night. That meant only one thing: Cartoons! I flipped through the channels for cartoons, eventually stumbling across Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block. I wasn't the biggest fan of Adult Swim, but I did watch it from time to time. I wasn't the biggest fan of the sometimes disturbing content often depicted in these shows, but I'd be lying if I didn't enjoy the insane humor these shows brought me. On the digital cable listing for the channel, the show that was coming on in thirty minutes was called "Cocky Lil' Roosters". The episode description said that this was the pilot for an all new, an animated sitcom about a rooster, a very fat hen and their offspring.

A show about anthropomorphic chickens having sitcom antics did sound fun to me. I noticed that there was currently a blank listing before the premiere of the pilot. I didn't know what this blank listing was, but assumed it may be some sort of Adult Swim prank. I clicked it and was greeted by a rather weird scene. It was a rather muscular rooster with his back turned while talking on his cellphone. He wiggled his muscular chicken butt around as he talked to the person on the other line. "What do you mean they didn't have time to animate my wife?! Look, we need a mother hen for this pilot, heck we need her for the whole series! What do you mean animating in Flash is expensive and time-consuming?! I've given you guys 5 months, you should be finished every aspect and element of a godforsaken pilot!"

The rooster sighed and closed his phone. He then turned towards the screen and smiled awkwardly. "Oh, you heard all that, didn't you? This is embarrassing!" Said the rooster as he directed his comments towards the screen. I had the strangest feeling that he was talking to me though, I don't know why I thought that though. "I'm talking to you, silly! The guy in the Venom hoodie!" Oh my god, he was talking to me! "Wait, you see me?! But you're a cartoon character!" The muscly rooster chuckled. "Actually, Adult Swim has created this new animation style. It relies on tapping into an alternate universe to create its characters, which is why I don't behave like one!" I looked at the rooster with my eyes wide open. "Wait, an alternate universe? Did you guys ever get permission from Team Nova?"

The roosted nodded vigorously up and down. "The system itself was approved by Kurt of the Nova Corps himself! The problem with the system isn't the approval itself, but the implementation. You see, the universe creates its own characters but draws upon storyboards and vague character details. A glitch in the system caused them to not be able to create the character and thus I will not have a wife for this pilot." The rooster hung his head and sighed. I felt bad for the poor rooster and offered to help. "Is there anything I could do to help?" The rooster smiled and lifted his head. "Well, there is a thing. We could use a new character to replace her, would you like to play the part?" Me playing a new character?! I loved that idea! I had never voice acted before! "Sure, sign me up!" The rooster smiled and lifted up a piece of paper and a pen, he reached through the TV and handed the objects to me. "Alright, now just sign your name on the first page!" I did as instructed and signed my name on the dotted line, not reading through the fine-print in the slightest. In hindsight, I probably should have done so.

"Perfect, now flip to the second page!" I flipped to the second page only to find it completely blank, the only thing on the page was an empty black box. "Huh, what's this for?" The rooster smiled. "Don't worry about it! Now, we just need your fingerprints, press your hand against the paper and that will seal the deal!" My fingerprints? Didn't I need some special ink coated to my hands to be able to put fingerprints on paper? I found this odd, but I pressed my hand against the paper nonetheless. After doing so, I found my hand stuck to the sheet of my paper! It wasn't a sticky kind of feeling, it felt more like my skin was bonding to the paper itself! "Hey, what gives?!" The rooster smiled. "You just signed a three-year contract to be a cartoon character and it may be longer if the show runs beyond that! Now, let the fun begin..."

Just then, I noticed that the hand stuck to the piece of paper was changed. It was becoming flatter, almost 2-dimensional in a way! The shadows around my fingers changed as well, turning into black outlines. The black lines travelled up my arm as it too became flat and 2-dimensional! The colors of my skin and clothes became brighter  as the lines continue to encompass my body. Within moments, I was a 2-dimensional drawing. Soon, I find my body being drawn towards the paper. My paper-thin form was pulled into the paper, leaving me as a 2-dimensional drawing on the front of the paper. I could still move, but I was trapped in the confines of the paper. The rooster reached his hand through the TV once more and grabbed the sheet of paper. "Now, let's get to the good stuff!" Grabbing the sheet of paper he pulled it into the television with me in tow.

Once inside the TV, I found myself outside what appeared to be a barn. I appeared to be in the middle of a farm of some sort! The rooster looked down at the paper containing my cartoon being. "Well, now that you're here, let's modify you for television! And since I can't draw, I'll have to do things the classic way..." The rooster smiled as he took out a bottle of ink. Taking the ink bottle, he tipped it over and poured it onto the sheet of paper! The ink covered me in seeping black liquid. I soon found the liquid starting to change me. I felt my body fattening up as my clothes started to rip. My stomach became immensely large as my whole body became insanely fat. Flab formed on my arms, legs, and neck as well as the rest of my body. Strange wilts started to form on my skin. What appeared to be white feathers emerged from these wilts. These feathers blanketed my body leaving no part of my skin bare. My lips hardened and formed into a beak as the ink caused my legs to thin.

My feet became immensely thin and turned a bright shade of yellow. They became what appeared to be bird-feet. After my feet had changed, I felt a strange pain between my legs. It felt as though something was being taken away from me, and that something was my manhood! My masculinity slipped away as my Johnson disappeared completely. The flab started to pool in my chest as large tubby orbs emerged from it. These chubby balls of flesh were covered in the same feathers as the rest of my body and appeared to resemble breasts. My whole body bulked up, my stomach became insanely bloated as if it was filled with something. My hair fell out, leaving my head with the comb of a chicken. My hands morphed into a bizarre combination of a hand and a wing. Once the transformation completed, the ink fell off of my body.

The falling ink dissolved my ripped-up clothing. Leaving me with a naked feather-covered body. I started clucking uncontrollably as I attempted to walk in my fat body. My skinny legs could barely hold up my immensely overweight body and I toppled forward. I toppled out of the paper and back into reality, or as real as this cartoon farm can get. I landed on my flabby belly as the rooster reached his hand down to me. "Need a hand?" He asked as he playfully reached his hand down to me. I grabbed his muscular arm as he effortlessly pulled my overweight body upwards. I stood on my chicken-feet, still not used to have such skinny legs on such an overweight body.

"Change me back this instant!" I shouted as I stamped chicken-foot against the ground. The muscly rooster petted my beak to calm me down and proceeded to lead me into the barn. "Oh, I'll be sure to change you back, once you sit in this nest." I squawked angrily as I did as I was told. I sat my fat feathery butt down in the nest and squirmed into the well-constructed nest. As soon as I was sitting in there comfortably, my stomach started to ache and feel weird once more. My stomach became even more bloated than it was before! I became insanely fat to the point of not being able to even leave the nest!

"Hey! What the heck?" The rooster smiled and picked up the contract I had signed earlier. "You agreed to be a stand-in for a character, and that character happens to be my wife! You're stuck like this, until the show is cancelled or until the series ends it's run!" I crossed my wings and stuck my tongue out of my beak. "I'm not going to sit down and be some stupid prop in your dumb comedy series!" The rooster waved the sheet of paper around in front of my beak. "Look again, you dumb hen! This contract says there is no backing out until the series properly ends, and that includes spin-offs and videogames! You're the property of Adult Swim for the time being, so I hope you get used to it!" The rooster laughed as he left the barn.

I sat there for ten minutes, until the show began. The theme song played, being extremely unfunny and annoying. It was rather grating on my nerves, I couldn't bear it! I squawked angrily throughout the entire thing. After the theme song finished, the show began. The plot of the episode dealt with one of our baby chicks getting an F on the test and the rooster trying desperately to figure out what the F stood for. At one point, he guess it stood for fat which lead to a lot of fat jokes at my expense. The show continued on for fifteen minutes, throwing every toilet humor joke and poorly placed gag at the audience. The whole time I felt as though my mind was preprogrammed to read every aspect of the script perfectly.

It was like voice acting lessons were being beamed into my brain the whole time I was there! Once the episode ended, the rooster walked back into the farm. "I've got bad news, we've been canc---" The rooster's voice was drowned out by static. In fact, the whole area was surrounded by static. I could hear a voice saying "Show has been cancelled, ejecting actors. Show has been cancelled, ejecting actors." The static enveloped the entire area and pushed me out away it pushed me so hard that I toppled over the TV screen. I landed on my fat feathery stomach back in my own living room. I looked at my body and found that I still trapped in my chicken form. I stood up and waited a few minutes, but I didn't revert back to my human form!

I grabbed the remote with my feathery wing-hand and pressed every button but to no avail! Darn, looks like I was going to have to do the unthinkable: E-mail Adult Swim. I sent an e-mail to Adult Swim and got a reply back immediately. It was an advertisement that said: "Try Claridryl today". I wasn't insane enough to actually take Claridryl, so I erased the e-mail. I decided to send another e-mail to Adult Swim, hopefully I would hear back from them soon with an actual response. Now that I was stuck as a fat hen, what was there to do? Suddenly, my stomach started to gargle. It felt like I was about to start laying eggs! I ran into the corner and grunted. As I sat there laying eggs, I thought about what transpired today. About being on a crummy pilot, turned into an anthropomorphic hen and forced to read bad jokes for an audience. It was then that I realized something: That's showbiz.